This is an off-subject post.
After a difficult few weeks, I capped it off by taking a ‘flying tumble’ in a shopping centre. I went flat out on the floor, having tripped over the almost unnoticeable base of a standing advertisement, that extended well beyond the advert… to balance it no doubt. But it was almost the same colour as the floor.
Embarrassed, yes. Shocked, mmm yes. Especially since I was unable to rise. Seems that both my knees and my wrists had taken the brunt of the fall. I could not push myself up using either.
There is an ‘Aussie’ saying… flat our like a lizard drinking. Well, that describes what I felt like, lying there, helpless on the floor of the shopping centre.
Two incredibly kind men came to help me up, one giving me instructions, as they lifted me. They waited to make sure that I could stand, and that my knees were ‘working’. Then the shopping centre security staff arrived to check that I was okay.
I went with some ladies to have a coffee, and we sat for a while, so I could get over the shock. When I felt my arm start to stiffen up, I knew it was time to go. If I waited any longer, I would not be able to drive home. (My car has gears, no power steering or power-assisted brakes.)
As people without a family, or anyone living alone at home will already know, these are the times when that little bit of practical help is most missed. My wrists and knees were very sore, and my left-arm (gear shift arm) was becoming more painful by the minute. So, at home, before noon, since I was already in such pain, I decided to get undressed and into my nightdress while I still could.
That was a wise move. By the evening, I could not lift my left arm as far as shoulder height. Even then the pain was… well, very painful. Tears to the eyes kind of pain. And TOTAL frustration at being unable to tie my hair back.
The quickest way to get prayer support was to put a message on my Facebook page. (And I honestly believe that those prayers were heard, and that is why the shoulder socket that the doctor believes might have been pushed back, healed quickly.) The pain of the torn muscles in my arm still limits me, as does the pain in my wrists and those swollen and bruised knees.
The comfort I found, in these past few painful days, was in the video I recently found when trying to sort out the many folders on various hard drives attached to my computer.
It was an ‘early’ practice… of my late husband singing. One of the most difficult things as time goes by after losing someone significant, is the loss of the little mannerisms, the expressions. Photos do not show that.
But this video reminds me of his personality.
(Since he detested having videos taken of him – I feel very blessed to have these.)
When I bought the camera many years ago, I drove the poor man demented, trying to capture videos of him, especially when he was singing.
Either a lot of them were deleted at his request, or lost in the hard drive crash at the beginning of last year, I did not manage to find them all when I copied them off.
His voice deteriorated over the eleven and a half years since diagnosis, as the pulmonary fibrosing increasingly robbed him of lung function.
(I can see now, watching the video, the extra muscles it took for him to take a deep breath, in the hymn he was singing.)
But I am so grateful to have it.
This was my husband, the man who sung ‘Let Me Be Your Shelter’ to me when he proposed. I loved hearing him sing. And I still can. I look at this video, and see his expressions, and just want to hug him.
One day I will again.
Till then, when loneliness, and the need to see a human face, and hear a voice overwhelm me, I can turn on the speakers and play a video of Geoff singing.
If you choose to watch it, I hope it gives you pleasure.
(Please excuse the little bit of camera shake)