As I mentioned in a previous post, and on my Facebook ‘author’ page, Geoff’s Last Journeyings’ is written but will not be published. But here I am going to put in a summary of the ‘Epilogue’.
In an email, one of the ministers of my church said something about seeing God’s handprint in our lives if we looked for it. and have seen it in my life so many times. None more so than when I was hospitalised recently with pneumonia.
A piece of the Epilogue to show you what I mean…
There was no doubt in my mind that God did what was best for Geoff. However, there remained ‘tickling’ wonders about how Geoff had felt about certain things.
You might think I am crazy, but God blessed me with some insight when I became ill six months later.
I was taken to hospital…
In Emergency… I think they X-Rayed me in bed, then it started… the discussions over me. “Significant consolidation in the …. (something or other) in a lung, and a few other terms that I recognised. I remember thinking, “That’s what they said about Geoff.”
I was quite content to die, like him, and wait for my resurrection, and thought about asking Him to take me. Still, I remembered that God has the big picture, and in the end, simply said, “Your will be done.”
Oxygen, I/V antibiotics and more ‘Geoff stuff’, and I was sent to a ward.
Over the next few days, the treatment was eerily similar. Not allowed out of bed alone at first.
Then there was the indignity of having to use a Zimmer frame LOL. (I realise that it might have seemed that I needed one as I had many bruises from the falls.) Then there were walks with oxygen to see how far I could go. So many times I thought, “This is what Geoff went through”. It was oddly comforting.
When I spiked another 40.9 temp and they had to call in the RMO, I was given a Salbutamol neb. They explained why they were doing it, and so on, not realising that I had a great deal of experience with those things. Geoff had been on several a day for a great many years.
I found it is possible to lie quietly, resting in God, and be aware of what is going on around me.
Then there was a concern about the infection affecting the large graft in my aorta. So, a Gallium scan was booked to ‘see’ if there was signs of infection… more similarities to what Geoff experienced in hospital..
I have sometimes wondered what Geoff thought as he came to terms with his imminent death. Well, perhaps I had a glimpse of it, when it dawned on me that if the graft did become infected I would die. I was more concerned for the manner of dying than dying. I remember Geoff saying the same thing.
The point of writing this is that as I lay there, helpless, with nurses and doctors, a physio and an OT asking me questions, assessing my function, it was as if I was having a glimpse of what Geoff went through. In my mind, Gods mysterious way of blessing me.
As I mentioned, oddly it was very comforting, and answered a great many of my ‘I wonder…’ questions, bringing me peace.
I will always miss the man with whom my life was closely entwined for twenty-six years, but I wonder if what I experienced was ‘closure’. (Of that aspect anyway.)
Gods merciful grace, of that I have no doubt. I hope this encourages you.