Fixing what can be fixed

It is almost a month since I last wrote anything for here. But, as well as grieving, I have been ‘busy’.

Looking back…

Grow in Grace, cover imageWhen Geoff and I set off on our travels, he took his eBook with him, and was reading Grow in Grace (book 2 in the Apostle John series). It had been published a little before our trip.

It wasn’t long before he told me there were some ‘typos’, and started writing them down for me. He showed me some ‘weird’ characters. I looked at the same section on my Kindle and saw nothing.

On our return, it was straight into the heartache of watching my precious husband struggle for breath in ‘end-stage pulmonary fibrosing’. (Even the doctors had thought he had another infection, but a Gallium scan proved otherwise.) At that stage it was thought that he would have months to live. Two large 8 litre oxygen converters were delivered, hooked together to meet his high oxygen needs, so was a back-up cylinder.

air-bed control

Even a hospital bed with a vibrating mattress was delivered and set up, because in the hospital he had developed a bedsore.

He said to me, “You had better hurry up with that third book if you want me to help.” He had done the first edit on Hold the Faith and Grow in Grace, telling me where I needed more information, or had been inconsistent.

Book 3 is still in draft form. I wanted something to happen, and could not figure out how to accomplish it. I had enlisted Geoff’s help but we were both ‘stuck’, so the draft waited.

More recently…

After Geoff died, and I started to work through all the things on a long  ‘To Do’ list, I remembered that Grow in Grace needed attention. So I ‘unpublished’ it.

He had not finished reading and checking it; he was  too ill, and it took all his effort to breath.

Eventually, I was able to look at the manuscript. I had found Geoff’s notes, and fixed the things he had noted. The weird symbols had to be extra spaces, so went through checking for them too.

Since he had started it, had worked to help ‘fix’ it, I decided I should continue and republish it. Bit by bit, I worked through the manuscript, missing him. I couldn’t say “You’ll never guess what I found…” I couldn’t thank him for what he had done. Checking the text had some very difficult moments. Going through the section where Alexander’s mother died was… painful. Although it had been written with past experience, one comment Alexander made to Samuel was eerily true in my current situation.

The other day, I republished Grow in Grace. Thursday or Friday I think. A little more than two months since his death.

quote 'miss my best friend'

I have a long way to grow. (Not a typo ) I do have a long way to grow. How long I have to live – I do not know… but I am holding fast to my faith and hope, and grateful for the support I am receiving.

Tread softly



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